acoustic trauma: dealing with hearing loss, tinnitus, and hyperacusis
On Dec 17, 2024, I experienced an acoustic trauma by being next to a very loud speaker for a prolonged period of time. It fucked me.
I experienced hearing loss on the left ear, tinnitus on both ears, and hyperacusis (a condition where it hurts to hear normal things, like cars passing or the supermarket). I went to the hospital on day 6, received a small 20mg dose of Prednisone, and went to an ENT on day 10. He switched my dosage to 60mg for 9 more days. When I asked for my prognosis, he gave me a "tough luck" look on his face, and said "it depends." Which (in medical lingo) means "I don't know."
I thought the symptoms, like the pain, ear fullness, and tinnitus, will go away in a few days after onset. It did not. I didn't find out until the sixth day that hearing loss after an acoustic trauma is considered an ENT emergency. Only when I googled the literature did I realize that I may have possibly destroyed my chances of recovery by not going earlier.
This whole experience killed me. It dawned upon me that I may never be truly be the same. Pain hyperacusis means that sounds that are normal to you are painfully loud to me. It is slowly improving, but early on I thought it meant no dates to the cafe, no bars, no parties. I will have to decline weddings. Will I be able to play piano again, knowing that everything sounds metallic, distorted, and thin? How can I sleep at night, when my left ear plays a middle G and both ears have cicadas 24/7? Can I continue grad school?
And yet, something dawned upon me: if this condition is permanent, and my Prednisone does nothing for saving my hearing... I will, somehow, need to find a way to live with this condition. My ENT said the hyperacusis will resolve in time, thankfully. Tinnitus itself (at least my tinnitus) can't hurt me, assuming it doesn't get way worse than now. And even if it does, I cannot possibly give up living yet. I haven't even watched Squid Game or finished Attack on Titan (haha).
I need to find peace with this sound in my head and the pain that accompanies it. I cannot fight something that I cannot control. Right now, my symptoms are a source of anxiety, stress, and depression. But what if... just what if, tinnitus can be my friend? It's just a theory I have. I know from a previous chronic injury that the way you approach pain greatly influences how you experience it. So maybe, the same can be said with tinnitus? I don't know enough to tell you. I'd have to try, and also, see if it gets better or worse in the next few days. I'm trying to not be anxious.
I'm avoiding loud areas for now. I got musician earplugs that cut the sound, and still bring them out of caution whenever I leave the house.
I'd be honored if any of you have experiences like I have. Please email me at pestopeco at pm dot me. This is all so new to me, and it's thwarted my life sideways. I want to know how to not let it thwart it any further.